blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
