I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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