I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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