They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There's always time for handjobs
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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