God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
