just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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