i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize