Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
