How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
