I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize