I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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