And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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