I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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