The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
