Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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