Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
