Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
