some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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