Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
