Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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