I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
