Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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