K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
