can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
