god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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