Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
