I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
