i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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