i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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