none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
