I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
