shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
