Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
As shirtless as possible
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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