My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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