he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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