I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
