I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
