i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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