Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
