two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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