2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we made out on top of his cat.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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