Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
