Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
