nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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