Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
