Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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