ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
