i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
