I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
