i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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