Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize