when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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