Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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