he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
