How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
