they need to just BURY HIM!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
A+ Viking dick
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
