my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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