Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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