Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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