I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
