I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
