Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
