Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
