dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
