He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
