I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
