You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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