Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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