she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My vagina just clenched in fear
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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