I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
