Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
ok first of all what the fuck
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
