Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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