i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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