Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
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