We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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