I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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