One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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