he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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